Chapter 1 - An unGodly Rant

 there isn't a God I rant

while on the wai piro

My cousins and I couldn't wait for the long weekend to roll around, for we would travel home to Mangamuka for a crazy and happy time of laughing, eating, drinking and some of that horizontal kanikani!

We would do the 400km drive on a Friday afternoon straight after work; pub crawling our way to the north, yes pub crawl! that type of thing is totally 'unthinkable' these days. We would start our pub crawl at the Albany Tavern then move onto Wellsford, Kaiwaka, Whangarei, Kawakawa, Okaihau and finally Mangamuka! We would hit the Mangamuka pub round 8pm and just go for it, laughing, singing, play pool and 'shout-up' large.

Closing time and we would move to uncles' house... the 'pink palace' and party hard, drinking (remember those big bottles of beer, I was a hard-out 'DB' drinker) and making eyes at the kanikani partner, all the while uncle is swearing at the 'so called kanikani partner to not touch, but that didn't stop us.

It was at one of these hard out party nights that in my drunken state (was like the last of the Mohican's to be still drinking) I found myself sitting at the table with my two cousins M and C and uncle and I remember blurting out 'I don't believe in God! He just doesn't exists and it's nothing but a huge fraud!” and, and who said god was a He!'

I remember the cuzzies going quiet and my uncle putting his bottle down, lifting his head up, look me in the eye.... and in a very, very quiet voice he said “don't talk like that France.... God is all around you, and he is here with you now, watching listening. God is here”.

Well needless to say, I couldn't keep my mouth shut and my scorn reigned down on his words... I couldn't stop... I rubbished God and religion, I let it all out the, the anger, the hurt, phew I remember well and truly getting up on my soap box. All the while uncle sat there looking at me, eyes squinting then opening wide and that little sideways grin... and he'd say again “no more France, ssssssh don't say that, God is real”.

Okay if you say he's real, then why can't I see God, why can't I touch him... you know how obnoxious one gets when they're drunk! well that was me! Huh he's rubbish... I rant!

Come to church with me and aunt on Sunday night, says uncle come to church and you will meet God. I snort with ridicule almost blowing my beer out through my nostrils... haha what for, for a laugh I cackle,  yeah okay I'll take you on! Uncle turns and looks at the two cousins who are rolling their eyes at my stupidity and uncles says “and you two are coming as well!” cause you know when uncle talks 'you do'.

(to be continued... chapter 2)

Tall Tales But True

a dark figure walks past

'did you see that, did you see that'

I was about 9 when it happened. We were at a marae in Kenena, Mangonui attending a tangi. Now this place is in the 'back and beyond'; bush clad hills and then mudflats as you get closer to the coast, one good thing was that as you got closer to the coast the dirt road turned in to a tar sealed road.

One night the adults decided to take a trip into the Mangonui township. I think it was to buy some beer for the workers back at the marae. It was one of those little trucks that had an open tray at the back. Uncle drove and mum sat in front with him and I sat between my aunties in the back. We were all rugged up in our coats, hats and gloves, blanket and then uncle put a 'tarp' over us and wedged it down tight on either side of the aunties and then clipped the bottom part under the tailgate, so it wouldn't flap.

It was really cold that night, I don't remember if the stars were out but for me it was one of those places that just scared me. We're travelling along the road, either side of us is like mangrove trees and mudflats, no houses, no street lights and very dark. My aunt to my left is sleeping, I'm all huddled down in the middle and my aunt to my right is half sitting half lying down, then all of a sudden... whoosh and you see this hand on the side of the truck then the tarpaulin is pulled up and of us. It is pulled right off us, right down to the tailgate.

As the tarpaulin is going down and flapping and the truck is travelling along, you see someone walking along the road dressed in a long black coat, it just walked away into the distance, my aunt (the one to the right) and I watched it walk away. My aunt began to scream out to the one that was sleeping, did you see that, did you see that person.... she was also banging on the roof of the truck cab so the truck would stop. She kept saying did you see that, did you see that... she asked me, did you see it.... I was that frightened I wouldn't say anything.

Finally the truck stopped and my uncle got out to see what was wrong, he was shocked to see our tarpaulin had come of and it was only just hanging on by the corner. My aunt said to him and my mum, did you see that person walking along the road, he pulled the tarpaulin off us as he walked past. Both mum and my uncle said they didn't see anything and they should have because of the truck lights and they would have seen everything that was coming towards them.

Well I was that frightened, I got in front with my mum and pretended to be asleep.... kept my eyes shut all the way to Mangonui pub and then all the way back to the marae.

The next day, when we went down to the creek to wash, I told my mum I had seen what aunt was talking about last night... and she told me I was wrong and being silly and I hadn't seen anything.